Reviews

Things more worthy of CD pressings than Exploder One's eight minute EP:

The sound of a sock lying on the floor

Dramatic readings of overwrought poems written by emo middle-school girls about their dead, childhood pets

An in-depth analysis of the true meaning behind Ellsworth Kelly's color block paintings

The noise made by me tapping the computer keys while typing this review

Bro college students screaming the generic, drunk "woooo" over and over and over again

It's really just about allocating resources, people. Whoever's paying for this shit should've hired someone to sort his toenail clippings by weight instead of supporting this exercise in egotism. It's a better use of his time and money. That way Exploder One can get back to jacking off to a videotape they made of themselves jacking off to a picture of themselves jacking off. It's basically the same thing as making this EP, only maybe a little less self-indulgent.

P.S. Even though one of the five stars accompanying this review is gold, I'm declaring this a zero star review.