Reviews

I put on my sleek contemporary boots and one-size-too-small collared shirt before setting out to hear the music. I have combed my hair forward to look younger. After a suave instrumental opening I am treated to some ultra-heavy metal blast followed by some psycho-grind. Things are looking good. I am now lighting a cigarette and tapping my toes while still standing and trying to look cool. I am intrigued but I am straining to look jaded so I still look cool. Now sweat is forming on my brow. That hair gel isn't holding like it should. The vocals are swapping between high and low while the force of the band is pulsing through their amplifiers and moving me. Some really weird synth/keyboard sounds are thrown in over this six-man avalanche. Feral, loose, heavy, and some fucking wildcard element of unpredictability that I can't quite put my finger on because, well, it's unpredictable. Still I stand and listen. My beer bottle is long since emptied but the cooler seems so far away. Suddenly a wolverine is thrown into a blender, set loose and on fire running through the room. Then a dove is released from behind the drum set to ascend towards the skylight window. The videogame noise breakdowns on "Shoeshine for Neptune" and "Claiming Middle Age a Decade Too Early" are instantly loveable. But I am still being hit in the head with a hammer. Hey, you have to mix it up, you know? From the song titles it seems as though lyrics don't matter to these guys, but I can't really tell because I can't understand them anyways. It sounds great, though. But seriously, someone should tell them that it's rapists who get all the girls. Whoops. I said that out loud and the chick in front of me just swatted the bottle out of my hands. It shatters on the floor. The band keeps slaying in the background...